Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize