This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
