no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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