hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
