my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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