I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
