I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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