He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
