Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
