Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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