i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize