i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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