I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize