I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
