she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
