they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
