mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
