Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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