So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's never too late to be topless.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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