I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
