4 words: hood of his car
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
