yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
