I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
