Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
