Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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