FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
