and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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