Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
