she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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