Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize