Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
