I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
