Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
