im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize