Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
