YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
