She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
