Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
