My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
