I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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