it was like eating out sand paper
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize