He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
