pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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