You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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