After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize