I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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