Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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