Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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