Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
