Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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