You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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