She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
