Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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