6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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