Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
