You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
