this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
