oh god the rape fog is back!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize