Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
either way he was missing a nipple.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
