would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
