Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
