Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
