# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
