just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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