watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
