told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
