Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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