...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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