sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
