Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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