I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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