i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
