Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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