Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize