I look better un-naked...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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