if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
