even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
