Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
