i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
