I hate your face
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
