I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize