Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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