4 words: hood of his car
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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