it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
