I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize