I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
