Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
