John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
