He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize